Why Lord Of The Rings Sucks

Lord Of The Rings is famous as Hell. Yet it fails to have a storyline that makes good sense. We are given three long movies that go through the troubles of hobbits and the fellowship, who are trying to destroy the ‘One ring to rule them all’.

Yet it takes so long for two young hobbits to throw a gold ring into a mountain. In a world of fantasy and magic, we’d expect Gandalf to sit Frodo and Sam on one of his birds and fly them to the mountain. But nooo...

"Your life will be a living Hell now boys"

Gandalf makes the innocent souls confront death, nazguls, flying beasts, orcs, giant spiders and one hell of a creepy creature called Gollum. Frodo and Sam are so small, they can be classed as kids, and that possibly makes Gollum a paedophile for following them around so much. He even has physical contact with Frodo, and also bites his finger off. That is sick.

The first movie was bearable, the second was tedious (with us knowing there’d be a third part), and by the time the third part comes we’re already asleep.

Curse you Gandalf for being such an annoying pensioner. Curse you Frodo for becoming greedy. Curse you Sam for being extra weight on the mission. Curse you Aragorn for summoning the ghost army in the last second. Curse you Legolas for being so handsome. Curse you Gimli for looking so dirty. And curse you Gollum for being so ugly.

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